Playing Hookie

 January 27, 2023 Friday

    And so here I am.

    These days I look at myself and sometimes think, "lazy slob", but that would be too harsh.

     I will admit to having too many interests which have a tendency of following certain mood swings- for example, cursive writing in a journal, as opposed to typewriting, or, not journalling at all, or using one pen as opposed to another or sticking consistently to writing short stories instead of succumbing to distraction.

    The fact is, my existential being, is in transition from all business activity to so-called retirement, from one lifestyle speed to another, like a spinning top rotating at tremendous speed for years, gearing down so as to turn counterclockwise, spiritually psychically and physically, awaiting the magic moment of split-second pause, like a ball having been tossed up in the air reaching its apex between up and down. This is not something one gets to practice.

    So here I am at a pause between lifestyles, underscored by a sense of guilt, as I play and slide from one enjoyable activity to another, with no one saying, "get back to work!" 

    I have the sensation of skipping school, or as Mick Jagger might say, deriving "special pleasure of doing something wrong". 

    Yet I've spent years building a modest nest of security, so that one day, I might start doing things just for myself, rather than clients. And so here I am.